Change the narrative #ABetterWay – Divorce Week

Posted on: November 30th, 2018

When you think of divorce, what comes to mind? Anger? Betrayal? Bitterness? Disappointment?

As an experienced family lawyer, I have advised many different individuals going through the agony of divorce. When they first consult me, many tell me that they feel entrenched and mentally exhausted, unable to cope with the trauma of separation as well as the pressure of every day life.

Divorce can cause huge emotional distress, which, in turn, can incite people to behave in questionable ways. Explosive rows in front of the children. Publicising the details of the break up on social media. Burning an ex spouse’s belongings. Isolating an ex-spouse from the children.

Often such behaviour is driven by fear. Fear of moving out of the family home. Fear of losing the children. Fear of financial hardship. Fear of change.

A child, caught in the middle of the cross fire, may feel extremely anxious and vulnerable. It can feel as if their world has been turned upside down. The very parents they look to for re-assurance may be too embroiled in spousal acrimony to offer any guidance and support. Worse still, a divorcing parent may treat a child as their emotional crutch or attempt to alienate them from their other parent. Often, a child will feel so burdened by the trauma of their parents’ separation, they may suffer from mental health problems well into their adult life. In this scenario, there are no winners, only many years of burning resentment.

As a divorcing adult, it takes a lot of courage (and help) to chose a different route. Resolution, an organisation which represents over 6500 family solicitors in the UK, has declared this to be ‘Good Divorce Week’. Resolution, of which Coffin Mew LLP is a member, promotes a respectful, non confrontational approach to dealing with family problems.
A ‘good divorce’ is a concept which requires commitment and determination. Recognition that although you can no longer stay married to your spouse, you have built a life together and must therefore avoid taking a metaphorical bulldozer to all that you have achieved and created together.

A ‘good divorce’ requires that you treat your ex spouse with dignity, respect and human decency so that you can carefully consider how your future apart will become a reality, taking into account the best interests of your children at all times.

Communication is key, but communication may not be easy, especially if you are feeling hurt, confused and raw. That is why it is so important to seek expert advice. A trained counsellor can help you achieve clarity. A mediator can assist you with open and respectful dialogue. A resolution member family lawyer can negotiate tactfully on your behalf.

At Coffin Mew LLP, our experienced and empathetic family lawyers are here to help you achieve a ‘good divorce’. We understand that family life is important. It is time to change the narrative when it comes to divorce #ABetterWay 

If you would like to find out more more please get in contact with Marie Stock from our Family Law Team